2009 27 April 2009 Mum today Dad, Andy and I went to register your death. You never fail to surprise us. On your birth certificate it said Gladys Sylvia Harrison, how surprised were we, we don't ever remember you mentioning that before. xxx 28 April 2009 Mum today Dad, Sue and I went to Hackett’s in Bedworth to arrange your funeral. We picked pink for your gown and coffin interior, as we could not face having to go sort through your clothes to choose something for you to wear. Then we had to choose your coffin, Dad liked the light wood one with brass fittings and we agreed, it was so lovely or as lovely as a coffin can be!! I lost it a bit, still can't get my head around the fact I will not be seeing you again, for a long long time. xxx 30 April 2009 Today I ordered the flowers for your funeral, I ordered them from HeavenSent again which is the same florist as I used when Sue, Andy and I sent you and Dad flowers for your anniversary just a couple of weeks ago. If only you were here, I would buy you a garden full of flowers. I love and miss you so much Mum xxx 03 May 2009 It's been a week today since you left us Mum, it feels like years since I have seen you, I can't explain to anyone how I feel there is just emptiness. I spoke to Rita today, Alison is bringing her to the funeral to say goodbye, she doesn't think she will be in a fit state to drive and Alison wants to so goodbye to you anyway. She is missing you so much xxx 05 May 2009 Mum today I added a short chapter about Derek to your memorial. I have attached the details that I researched off the Internet which I was going to put into a book and give you on your birthday. Well I guess you don't need that anymore, hopefully you are now back together again, or at least I hope you are. Love always Ruth xxx 07 May 2009 Today was your funeral, the worst day I have ever had to experience. We all just held each other, and wished with all our hearts that you were still here. xxx 08 May 2009 Mum today would have been your 76th Birthday. A very sad day for us all, we miss you more than you can imagine. Dad, Sue, Andy and I are going to the Crem, to take you a bouquet of flowers for your birthday and have a look at the funeral flowers. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM xxx 10 May 2009 Mum, its two weeks today since you left us. It feels like forever, I miss you so much. Be happy wherever you are and we will love and remember you forever, until we meet again, hugs and kisses xxx 11 May 2009 Mum, today Julie sent me a lovely message about memories which I have added to your life story as Remember. I had my first day back at work today, it wasn't too bad, maybe you were there helping me get through. Everyone was really nice and understanding. I talked to Jill my Manager, I told her about you and everything that has happened since I saw her last, and she is a very kind person and understands how difficult this is for me to deal with. Paul also added a lovely poem for you; he is still upset about losing you too. Dad seems to be coping quite well, I checked up on him again earlier. I still can't accept that you’re no longer here. Speak to you soon love and xxx 12 May 2009 Today has not been a good day, I can't get to grips with you not being here any more. I spoke to Sue and she feels the same, she also had to have Tara put to sleep as she had a problem with her liver. I told Sue you would look after Tara, as I'm sure you will. It is a comfort to think that you are with people you love and are happy, but it does not ease the pain. I am sure you remember how that feels from when Nan died. xx We still have to decide about your ashes and a plaque of remembrance for you. I think dad would really like a plaque at the front of the Nuneaton Crem as he said you really liked it there, so that is probably what we will do. Love and xxx ALWAYS xxxx 18 May 2009 Today I arranged for a date when we can scatter your ashes. We have agreed on this Thursday 21st @ 4pm. This is a short service of about 10 minutes where there will be a poem and a couple of prayers. We are then going to have a memorial plaque in the granite bible at the crem. Dad wants to reserve the next space to yours for himself, so when your together again, we will be able to go to the crem and see the plaques' and know your happy together forever. xxx 20 May 2009 Tomorrow is the day we scatter your ashes, we will have to say goodbye to you. Hope you are happy Mum xx Love you always xx 21 May 2009 Mum today we scattered your ashes, it was another unbearable day. We laid 4 roses on top of your ashes one from each of us. This was a very difficult day and we miss you and always will. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever xx Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning hush. I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight, I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die. 25 May 2009 Mum today it was Spring Bank Holiday, the weather was not so good today but at least the rain kept off for most of the day. We went to the crem again, we took the rest of the wooden roses I had brought for you but never got to give you. We placed them in a pot that was sitting buried behind the grass at the exact spot we scattered your ashes. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever xx 01 June 2009 I went to Nan's grave today, it now needs digging over so Paul and I will go at the weekend as long as this beautiful weather holds out. Connie has some new photos of the Lauren and Lewis for you, and so she is going to take them round to dad so he can put them up on the wall. As no one knows what happens after death for sure, I can only hope that you are the air that we breathe the sun, the moon and the stars and are happily reunited with Nan, Pappy and Derek. We are still hurting so much, it so hard to try and carry on. I know you would want us all to be happy but maybe its too early for that, we need to accept that you’re gone first and I am not sure when I will be ready to do that. In the meantime we just go from day to day missing you. Love you now and always xxx 04 June 2009 Paul and I went and dug over Nan’s grave after work today. We dug out the edges to make it look nice and next time I see some nice artificial flowers, I will replace the ones that are there with some nice new ones. We don’t know what to do about the actual grave yet, whether to try and put some stones down like you wanted or turf it. The only problem with the stones is that when the gardener cuts the grass they use a strimmer so all the grass ends up over the stones so it sort of defeats the object. 06 June 2009 Sue and I had some of your rings and other nice pieces of jewellery you had. We gave Andy a cross as you had three so there was one each, and we found a chain that we thought Andy; might be able to wear. It was quite a difficult task, but it is lovely to have things that belonged to you. Sue took some of your skirts to see if Chrissy can alter them so she can wear them for work and I had some of your scarves. We all had a few tears at different times as we miss you so much. 13 June 2009 I went to the crem today and tidied up the area around your ashes, I need to take some clippers and cut it back a bit more to make it look nicer. I had a chat with you and took some photos while I was there. I also went to see Dad who seemed quite chatty today; he was telling me what you used to say about Sarah doing something with her talent for art ‘Well’ she has registered to go to Leicester University in September. I have had one of my better days today, but had a few tears at the crem. We went to see Take That on Wednesday it was a great show and Kelly loved it, but we got drowned as the heaven’s opened just as they were about to come on, but it didn’t spoil it for us. It was lovely to spend some time with Kelly as we don’t spend much time together usually. Hope things are ok with you and you are happy. Still missing you xxx 27 June 2009 We went to France with Neil next door it was a lovely place but I struggled a bit felt like Dad would not be here when I can back home, but he was fine when I returned. It was a shock to find out that Michael Jackson died on the day we returned Thurs 26 June how weird is that it is exactly 2 months to the date to when you left us. I am having a hard time again at the moment, just as I think I am starting to cope a little better it all comes flooding back and then I am back to square one. 30 June 2009 Today was a particularly bad day for me so I tried to keep busy. I seem to be struggling again, but time will help or at least I am hoping it will. I had a catch up with the Mark who used to work at Crown with me, I have not seen since my 40th birthday, I told him about you and what happened and he chatted to me about it, this helped me, just to have someone to listen to me and he really seemed to understand. I miss you so much, more that I could have ever imagined. xx Well its coming to the end of another month, it is now 8 weeks since you left us but it still feels like yesterday. It was Fathers Day today so we went to Sue's for tea, it is so strange not having you there with us. Nothing seems to ease the pain of missing you. I have added a song from a guy called Andy Ruck who is one of the members on the Much Loved forum, he has recorded this song called Shining Star, it has beautiful words so I have dedicated this song to you as it is so lovely just like you are. I miss you now and forever xxxx If love could have saved you, you could have lived forever xxx 03 July 2009 It was dad's birthday today as he is difficult to buy for we gave him some money so that he could buy what ever he wanted. I think he will buy something for his model railway. 04 July 2009 We decided to take dad to Evesham Country Park for his birthday. It was a lovely day so Sue, Cal, Sarah, Chrissy, James, Paul, Dad and I went. There was a Light Railway there so we had a relaxing ride on the railway which was lovely. We then spent some time looking around the garden centre and other shops that were there and had a picnic. It was so strange having a day out and not having Mum there with us, I am sure she was there in spirit to watch over us all. We all enjoyed the day. xx 14 July 2009 Today I decided to buy an open book to place at the crematorium in remembrance of mum. In my garden I have made an area which is called Mum's garden where I can plant flowers in rememverance of mum. I miss her every day will love her always. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever xxx 09 August 2009 Well mum, its August now 15 weeks since you left us. 16 August 2009 Dad, Paul and I went to the crem on Sat (15 Aug) only to find the idiots there have moved the open book we brought for you, they also took away the slab we put it on and the flower vase that was already there that we had been putting flowers in. The left a sign saying they were unauthorised and can be collected from the office; all because they want you to buy their ornaments that cost hundreds of pounds. It has really upset me because it was starting to look like your resting place. They have no feelings for the people they are upsetting, I am sure you would have had a few words for them. I have now decided to put the two open books with the plant we bought you, in the garden and have a garden of remembrance for you. I will try to make it really nice with something you would have wanted. It still hurts so much that you have gone. 09 September 2009 How is it possible that it is 20 weeks since you fell asleep. Time continues to move on but the pain we have in our hearts remains and will be there forever. If love could have save you, you would have lived forever xx Its 24 weeks that’s 6 months since you fell asleep, it is amazing how the time goes by but a shame that the healing process is not as quick to heal. If love could have saved her she would have lived forever xx